I’m still doing fine, but have had to go up on my medicine because I started doing “too” well, if you know what I mean (hello – mania!). I got really productive there for a couple of weeks, and then I got too excited about that to really enjoy the fruits of my labor. I started getting anxious and was spiraling.
Now I’m fine. It’s taken years to know how to manage my medicine so that setbacks don’t take months to recover from.
So this morning I opened up a book I had been working through several weeks ago when I was doing really well, genuinely amazingly, and was startled to see it no longer spoke to me. It was a somatics workbook.
Somatics is basically where you heal yourself using the body, working through emotional and physical hang-ups by accessing your inner bodily wisdom and metabolizing the trauma of past years through bodywork.
Let’s just say it doesn’t work so well on a higher dose antipsychotics.
At first I was dismayed, really thinking that I had almost healed myself bodily and that now that I couldn’t do it just bodily that I was a failure.
Healing practitioners who heal via somatic work are amazing, but unless they have wisdom, they fall into the trap that teaches that if you can’t heal somatically, then you can’t heal. That’s what this book did. It talked about how all other healing modalities fail because they don’t access the body’s wisdom.
I call B.S.
Really, there are as many types of healing as there are types of people. And sometimes, we have to acknowledge, that it’s not about healing but about transforming our idea of what healing means.
Healing doesn’t always mean cured.
I cannot be cured of schizophrenia. But I can heal myself by not judging myself. My medicine can heal me and bring me peace and the ability to experience joy. And right now, that is enough.