Is God abusive?

I can be dramatic, but this takes the cake. Last November I wrote on my prayer card:

“There you are, God, helping me see where I have to go and where I have fallen short. My prayers have started to reflect what I want instead of what you are actually calling me to do.”

I just looked at it again, as I have looked at it multiple times a month for the past year, and just now am I realizing how much I have internalized an abusive demanding God who would tell me to do something I didn’t want to do. It’s almost like, last year, it was a sin for me to have a desire for my own life.

Yes, there are the “call” stories. In these stories God calls a prophet who doesn’t want to do the task he or she is called to. Think of Moses asking if his brother Aaron can help out, for example, because he’s not good with words.

Whole books have been written about spiritual leadership through the lens of the story of Moses.

However, though this is sometimes the case that we aren’t equipped with will or skill for our callings, usually I think that our deepest desires for our lives, if they are not idolatrous, are a reflection of God’s will for our life. We should enjoy our lives on earth, and not just suffer in silence doing whatever we feel God wants us to do as if we were marionettes.

God is not abusive. God calls us to flourish.