It’s not coming out of the fog. It’s coming out of fog. There are too many types of mental illness fog for me so I can’t just write that I’m coming out of the fog. Schizoaffective encompasses anxiety, depression, psychosis, mood, and also physical ailments related to the heart.
What was my ailment the past few weeks? First, let me begin by saying that I am getting better by the day and that this isn’t my first rodeo. I know what to do given my 7 years of mental health experience. I am stable.
It changes radically in Seattle and it’s started to get dark. Early.
The fog was not psychosis this time, but… depression. Depression is no joke. Also. It has been cloudy.
Long story short, I went up on my antidepressant, and had gone down on my antipsychotic for the summer (with permission from my doctor and following his advice – never change medicine without a qualified doctor).
Up on antidepressant without up on antipsychotic = mania. Sudden addition of antipsychotic to counteract the mania? = exhaustion and mixed mood states.
I feel hung over and joyful at once. It is somehow possible to feel both at the same time.
When I first looked up schizophrenia on Wikipedia – don’t do that by the way, it is depressing and generalizes when there really is hope – there was an image of a painting done by a patient of a body with the heart on the arm. That was exactly how I felt yesterday. Today is better. I’m staying the course.
This has happened to me before, and it will happen again, but since this isn’t my first rodeo, I have experience that indicates it will turn out well if I stay the course.
If you’re having a hard time, stay the medication course. It will be okay if you relax, trust God, medicine and doctor, and practice self-care.
I made a depression buster workbook for women: